快速见面36问

纽约州立大学石溪分校(Stony Brook University SUNY )的心理学家亚瑟· 阿伦(Arthur Aron )对人们怎样形成恋爱关系非常感兴趣。他提出一种独创性的方式,让素未谋面的男性和女性感到彼此亲近。他只有一小时左右的时间来建立亲密关系,而这个层次通常是需要几周、几个月,或是几年时间才能达到的。但他却通过36 个问题让参与者快速地从第一个层次进入到麦可亚当系统的第二个层次,这加速了“ 开始认识你” 的进程。问题的一部分是时长一小时的“ 分享游戏” 。每对人都需要大声读出问题,然后在进入下一题之前,两个人都需要回答此题。
下文是一些“ 分享游戏” 中所设里问题的范例。尝试在脑中回答这些问题,再想想这些会泄露你什么信息。你将会看到分享答案是怎样让你觉得了解了某人,而且跟此人更亲近了。
1 。如果可以选择世界上的任何人,你想邀请谁做你宴会上的客人?
2 。在打电话前,你是否会演练自己要说的话?为什么?
3 。对你来说“ 完美” 的一天由哪些事物组成?
4 。你最后一次唱歌给自己听是什么时候?唱给别人听呢?
5 。如果你可以活到90岁,而且可以在后面的60 年里保持30 岁的思维或身体,你会选择哪一个?
6 。关于你将来会怎样死去,你是否有过预感?
7 。如果你可以改变自己成长过程中的任何事情,你想改变什么?
8 。如果你明早限来时就可以拥有一种特质或能力,你想拥有什么?
9 。有什么事情是你一直想要做的?为什么一直没有做?
10 。你最珍惜的回忆是什么?
11 。如果你知道一年内自己就会突然死去,你是否会改变现在的生活方式?为什么?
12 。爱和情感在你的生活中扮演若怎样的角色?
13 。与他人分享一件你在生活中碰到的馗尬事。
14 。你最近一次在他人面前哭泣是什么时候?独自哭泣呢?
15 。什么事情很严重,不能一笑了之?
 
 
下面是全部的三十六问题
According to Dr Arthur Aron of the Interpersonal Relationships Lab at Stony Brook University, NY, as published in “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness” in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (1997), there are 36 questions that almost always guarantee that 2 people, if they ask each other them over 45 minutes, will want to see each other again and have positive feelings towards one another. Here they are, in order: 
 
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? 
3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why? 
4. What would constitute a perfect day for you? 
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. 
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 
 
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 
11. Take four minutes and tell you partner your life story in as much detail as possible. 
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be? 
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? 
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? 
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 
 
16. What do you value most in a friendship? 
17. What is your most treasured memory? 
18. What is your most terrible memory? 
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? 
20. What does friendship mean to you? 
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. 
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? 
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? 
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “we are both in this room feeling…” 
26. Complete this sentence “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” 
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. 
28. Tell your partner what you like about them: be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. 
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. 
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. 
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? 
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? 
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? 
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why 
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. 
 
Variations 
37. If you could choose the sex and physical appearance of your soon-to-be-born child, would you do it? 
38. Would you be willing to have horrible nightmares for a year if you would be rewarded with extraordinary wealth? 
39. While on a trip to another city, your spouse/lover meets and spends a night with an exciting stranger. Given they will never meet again, and you will not otherwise learn of the incident, would you want your partner to tell you about it? 
 
My thoughts 
I think these are all great questions for getting to know someone in general. None of them can be used at the initial rapport-building part of a conversation, but if you’re sitting down with someone and getting to know them properly, then they’re all great. 
 
In terms of women specifically, I would say pick your favourite 5-10 and incorporate them into the middle section of your first date. So, you’d start with a bit of banter, joking around, teasing and flirting, then get into your favourite questions (I would definitely avoid all the ones about death and anything negative!), and then end with someone along the lines of question 39, which would help you transition into some more SEXUAL conversation. The problem with these is if you did all the questions it’s way too much comfort and not enough sexual. As long as you made things sexual afterwards and spent the last 25% of your date talking more along those lines, being sexual, touching more, etc. then you’d be fine!
 
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